5 Workplace culture red flags that feed chronic stress and kill Resilience

Resilience is often described as a personal strength. A mindset. You’re either resilient or you’re not. And if you’re not, you’re expected to magically become it. Just toughen up. Push through. Cope better. But that’s not how it works.

Resilience isn’t something you’re born with or switch on under pressure. It’s a skill. One that can be learned, supported, strengthened, and cultivated. And like every crop, there are specific conditions for it to thrive, and conditions that will kill it. Culture either builds resilience or it quietly breaks it down.

I once worked in a corporate job where I could count every single red flag. Performing was the norm, especially in the Monday morning cringe all-hands meeting, where we were expected to play out a weekly “rah rah” routine. We’d smile, nod, clap, and pretend it all made sense while silently bracing for the week ahead. Goals shifted constantly. Leadership changed just as quickly. I think at some point we changed three CEOs in twelve months. Feedback wasn’t a tool for growth. It was a tool for control, often weaponised. Gossip wasn’t discouraged. It was part of the culture.

We were living in chronic stress. Constantly reacting. Never responding. Always trying to extinguish fires we didn’t set, without time to stop, breathe, plan, or strategise. The work kept us busy, but never felt in control. And no one called it toxic. We just called it work.

Looking back, I can see how much it eroded people’s energy, clarity, and confidence, especially for those genuinely trying to be resilient. We didn’t realise the system was designed to drain exactly that.

In many workplaces, resilience isn’t broken in obvious ways. It is worn down slowly through habits and patterns that start to feel normal. These red flags don’t always make noise. But they leave a mark.

Here are five red flags to watch out for that feed chronic stress and kill resilience:

Everyone is performing

People don’t show up as themselves. They show up as the version they think will be most accepted. Confident. Busy. In control. Real concerns stay hidden. Real emotions are managed privately. Vulnerability feels unsafe. When a culture rewards appearances over honesty, people go quiet. And when no one feels safe enough to be real, resilience doesn’t stand a chance. You know it’s happening when people mute themselves just to sigh. Or when someone says, “We are good here,” and three heads subtly shake on the Zoom screen. Everyone’s performing, and it can be exhausting.

Confusion is the norm

You leave meetings unsure of what was decided. Priorities change without explanation. Decisions get made elsewhere and shared without context. Communication is constant, but clarity is missing. You find yourself decoding emails like they were written in code. Triple-checking your understanding and second-guessing what’s expected. You have felt this if you have ever asked yourself: Was that a yes? A no? A maybe? When people can’t get clear, they can’t stay confident. And over time, confusion becomes quietly stressful.

The Best People Leave, and No One Talks About It

A thoughtful, talented colleague resigns. And then another one. And another one. There’s a polite farewell. And that’s it. No questions asked. No learning taken. Just move on. You know this is the case when farewell messages start sounding like break-up texts. Grateful for the memories. Wishing you all the best. Cue the emojis. Cue the next exit. When departures are treated as background noise, something is deeply wrong. And everyone feels it, even if no one says it out loud.

Kindness Feels Out of Place

When warmth feels awkward and encouragement is rare, emotional detachment starts to look like professionalism. People speak efficiently. Keep things surface-level. Stay safe. Feedback becomes sharp and mechanical. Appreciation is for show, offered in public, skipped in private, and rarely personal. Vulnerability is something you save for after hours. When there is no space for basic kindness, trust has nowhere to grow. And resilience needs trust to take root.

You Are Always Bracing

Not for something major. Just… something. A cryptic email. A vague Teams message. A shift in tone. You tense up before your first meeting. Your body is preparing for something, even when nothing has happened yet. That kind of low-grade anticipation is not focus. It is stress. And when it becomes your daily state, it wears down your ability to recover, regulate, or rest. You know this one is active when “Can you jump on a quick call?” makes your stomach drop. This isn’t about being sensitive. It’s about being in an environment that doesn’t feel emotionally safe. And that kind of bracing will burn through even the strongest internal coping tools.

What Gets in the Way

I spend a disproportionate amount of time helping people and organisations build cultures of resilience. Ones that reduce unnecessary stress and create space for sustainable performance. The patterns show up again and again. Avoiding discomfort leads to poor conversations. A constant sense of urgency fuels burnout disguised as commitment. A lack of reflection keeps teams stuck in reactive mode. And disconnection from purpose, from people, from meaning, makes everything feel heavier than it should. Resilience doesn’t live in motivational slogans or team-building away days. It lives in culture. In how people are treated, how honesty is handled, and how safety is shaped.

A Culture Check

If one or more of these red flags feels familiar, pause before blaming individuals. These are not personal failings. They are patterns. And patterns can change. The most resilient teams I’ve worked with are not stress-free. They are self-aware. They notice what’s happening beneath the surface. They ask better questions. They reflect together. They unlearn and re-learn. Often. Maybe the work is not about asking people to be more resilient. Maybe it’s about stopping what keeps breaking their resilience down.

Resilience Culture Starter Questions

You don’t have to fix everything at once. But you can start by asking better questions. Here are a few you can bring to a team meeting, journal on, or explore as a leadership group:

• What is something UNSPOKEN here that we all feel but rarely say?

• Where does urgency show up that doesn’t ACTUALLY serve us?

• When was the last time we celebrated someone MEANINGFULLY?

• What signals do we give people about what REALLY matters?

• Where is CONFUSION being normalised, and how can we create clarity instead?

• What are we PERFORMING for?

• If someone left tomorrow, what would we LEARN from it?